Sense of belonging, community and freedom: Amsterdam
Two duck families maintained excessive social distance as they crossed paths on the Amsterdam canal. Each family had a parent leading from either end, with their identical six offspring forming a proud procession in the middle.
Pride for their families.
Pride for the resemblance.
Pride for their offspring being exactly like them.
I observed their behavior while enjoying my blueberries from a safe distance, feeling relieved I wasn’t entangled in these affairs. Not anymore.
Oh, what a blast they would have in my city.
I was born in a mononational country Armenia where people deeply cherish unity and family. We thrive on endless gatherings, we find delight in discussions, sharing, and conversations, we love advising each other. Our hospitality burns us alive while our guests are with us. We are a like minded community of people who adore the same dish, on Sunday mornings do exactly the same things, we were raised the same way, have been taught the same fairytales.
Imagine for a second a city like ours. A small city, where the sun shines for 10 months per year. Picture the people sitting in their dining rooms, reading coffee cups, eating bbqs and dancing late into the night. We’re loud and a bit bizarre, warmhearted messes.
It sounds like an idyllic place to reside, doesn’t it? I have a feeling at least one duck on the canal would tell you that in reality, what kind of a hell it is to be inside it.
As I sit here, writing under the night sky, capturing the most vivid qualities Armenians have, I realize that it’s truly challenging, if not impossible, to grasp the complete essence unless you are part of it. The community possesses invaluable qualities. If you are one of them, you will never feel alone, even in your darkest moments you will always have a shoulder to cry on. But the key word is “if”.
Are you really one of them?
Armenians form a close-knit community, rarely encountering perspectives different from their own. After centuries of living in such a setting, they transformed from tradition keepers to a bunch of anxious people unable to live freely. A vast majority of us live in constant shame. Youngsters get married because … just because, we don’t drop off from the prestigious schools that suck our lives from us because it’s a prestigious school, right? We don’t pursue our dreams, if those are out of the generally accepted norms. Gaining some long-waited worth in your neighbor’s eyes after you finally get the ring, having one kid after another, trying so hard to fit in and almost never actually being able to be saint enough for them. Step right or step left and execution follows.
When I contemplate the word “community” the first idea that comes to my mind is the freedom to be authentic while being accepted and loved within that circle.
Nevertheless, genuine freedom within a community is a bit of a hustle. Community implies strict status quo. People who have only been exposed to only like minded ones for generations will adore you right until the point you break their standing.
I came to Amsterdam at the beginning of 2023. I struggle with labelling the Amsterdam people “community”. Amsterdam itself is a multinational city. When you wander the streets, you enter a contrastive reality, where almost no one originally “belongs” there, but it in itself is a beautiful thing to encounter. It teaches people to be unbelievably kind and caring towards each other. People here are extremely respectful and conscious towards an individual’s personal space, beliefs, feelings and emotions. The common motive of leaving the homeland for sake of better life, happiness and peace becomes a common ground for friendship and understanding.
The term “community” defines a group of people residing in the same territory and sharing common values mostly about religion, beliefs and language. When it comes to here, we’re more than one language and one religion. People here go beyond a static set of values that unifies us. Most importantly, they’re not a group of people who were born in the same place as a matter of chance.
The strength is acceptance. And that quality is shaped through time.
Acceptance, however, is a slippery concept. In the majority of cases, people perceive it as “I accept you as long as you live the way I think is acceptable.” In reality, it is about recognizing and embracing those who differ from us.
When I first arrived my head was going round from the differences between the people here. It wasn’t about religion or language; it extended to my attitude towards money, relationships, family, food, my sense of humour and anything else. I felt like my brain functions differently. What is happening till now is unique and eye opening. Sometimes I find ourselves sitting side by side asking one question after another. The more our opinions diverge, the more excited the two sides become.
At some point I just realised that I can’t just dismiss or reject the person because I could clearly see that for him my city’s viewpoint is as extra as his is to me.
Perhaps, the core problem that my community has lies exactly here. We’ve been a close group for so long that now we seem to have forgotten that there are people who might have completely different viewpoints. And still, they will be great ones. It’s not about forgetting our culture and starting to live a completely foreign way of life, rather it’s about expanding our horizons beyond our self-made teeny tiny world and recognizing the value that others bring.
As long as nobody is harmed, there is so much we can accept.
We’re a group of diverse individuals from all sides of the world .
Our unity teaches us to be open and accepting of what is totally new to us. Having freedom to be ourselves and consequently allowing others to express themselves as well.
By embracing our differences and keeping our identities shining bright, we stand together, creating a strong communion. I intentionally choose the word “communion” instead of “community” because we don’t have cultural or geographical ties.
Communion conveys a profound connection, understanding, and a sense of shared experience.
And I feel this is exactly what we are.
Much Love,
Anna
